The vastness and variety of California stirs a desire to grasp the whole of life in a single experience.
The vastness and variety of California stirs a desire to grasp the whole of life in a single experience.
On dealing with the discovery that the world does not know your name nor wishes to learn it.
The necessary sin of eating produces tension between the mind's prudery and the body's savagery.
Food is not merely the fuel we put in our body, food is our body. Every atom in this moving breathing edifice called me was looted from other existences, through the food that I, or while I was in the womb my mother, ate. My living tissues are compacted of bits of the dead, my muscles were once cows' muscles, my eyeballs were carrots.
Recollections and reflections on poetry, beauty, music, eloquence, and the conquests of great individuals attest the potency of passion.
When I listen to music, I wonder why I bother to write. If art should impassion, then music is art, and all other arts are music's understudies. Poems and paintings must go through the brain, using thoughts to stir feelings, but music has a backstage pass to the soul. Most cultures' mythologies have given music a divine origin, and what modern headphone-listener could wonder why? How else could arrangements of vibrating air dissolve us into ecstasy?
A morning beach walk in the Pacific Northwest leads to the realization that there is no such thing as an ordinary day.
A reflection on the earth as life's home amid a universe of nothingness.
An account of waking at night to a bedroom, a body, and a life that have lost their familiarity.
A gray, rainy evening yields the comforting thought that life keeps its promises when it makes none.
Though somber at funerals, I have felt a more stinging sadness sometimes at weddings. Into my mind, uninvited, enters the thought that all this champagne and merriment must end, that in a hundred years not a reveler in the room will be above ground. The thought of death enters such vibrant scenes as the greatest contradiction, a fate one feels is impossible yet knows is inevitable.
A trip to San Francisco reveals the city as an enclave of order within the rough lap of nature.
This was the world as the human mind had willed it to be, conceived it then created it according to its Euclidean desires. It was a world in which nature had no place and no right to be, except where expressly invited by sovereign man. Thus the only green I saw was the small trees planted along the streets, evenly spaced and neatly pruned, their tangle of roots invisible beneath the ground, their trunks disappearing through encircling iron grates.
On the notion that everyone is a stranger, because no one knows us from the inside.
Urged by this sudden craving for society, I go to parties, to weddings, to gatherings, anywhere people are, I mingle with the others, but my disappointment is almost instantaneous. We talk of the weather but never of the soul. So I retreat back into solitude, because to be with others who do not know you is lonelier than to be alone. At home again, I remove the mask I was forced to put on and look into the mirror at the two eyes looking back at me—the only eyes that have ever seen into my soul.
Seasonal apathy raises doubts about the value of living.
Though occasionally it snows and for a day or two beauty returns, this beauty does not revive me. Snowflakes seem to whiten the world to wonder, but underneath the mask of snow the land is still lifeless. Snowfall works the embalmer's art, sprinkling powder on the corpse of the world so that death appears peaceful and pretty.